It’s been nine months since God called you up there in heaven. But if he didn’t, I may be holding you in my arms right now. Caressing you, embracing you and holding you. Telling you beautiful stories and singing you all my favorite love songs.
But you are so far away! So out of reach!
Instead of me having late nights to feed and change you, I’ve been up all night thinking of what could’ve been if you’re here beside me. Imagining your tiny hands around my fingers, your cries, your smile and your eyes. I’ve been wondering, how would you look like? How would you sound like? Would you be a he or a she? But the only answer I have is a pure blank.
There are nights when I’d cry endlessly yearning for just a glimpse of you, for just a single embrace or for just a single smile but you’re just too far away! Oh how I want you beside me!
But my child, I know you are in a more beautiful place, safer even and that helps me to feel better. You’re just so beautiful to taste all the miseries that life could possibly throw your way.
But even if you’re far away, thank you for making me feel that you’re just here with me. For in my loneliest times I may not able to hug you physically but I can feel you deep within my heart. You’re the one who’s helping me to carry on with life. Sometimes I even see you in the face of every child I see. I can hear your laughters and giggles from theirs, your voice from theirs. It’s as if you’re talking to me, telling me how much you miss and love me.
I know there are days when I won’t talk to you, please dont think that I have forgotten about you. That I’ll never do my child, sometimes it’s just too painful for me to think of you, to remember you.
Sometimes I still ask God. Why would he take my only angel when He already have plenty of them? Why would He take you so soon? Now, I will never see you grow, I’ll never see what you could’ve become, I’ll never experience the excitement of dropping you to school on your first day, I’ll never experience how would it feel to celebrate your birthdays or to experience going out of town with you. Isn’t it selfish to separate a mother to her child?
No!, I don’t resent Him for taking you because maybe He has a greater purpose out of everything that has happened but I still have to understand that.
When you left my child, you took a piece of me with you and because of that I will never be the same again. I am not saying that I am a lesser person now, in fact you made me better!
Oh I can’t wait for us to finally meet again! When that day comes I’ll hold you forever. For now, I’ll continue to miss you every single day of my life.
I love you more than my words can ever explain my angel, please always remember that.
Till we meet again.
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Arlene Kichaen Aboli